Today is Sunday. The last Sunday of 2009. I began 2009 as department manager in an area that I know as well as anyone in my store. By February was manager of a different department. It has been a good year. I have learned so much. I have honed my managing skills, but still have a lot more work to be the manager I want to be. The year was one of my most tumultuous years emotionally. I faced some real dragons in my life and depending on how I am feeling, I either beat the dragons or they managed to beat me. At the moment, the dragons seem to be hibernating. I wish I could say they were slain, but deep in my physic I know they were not. I sense they will resurface, but where and when I don't know.
I lost a cousin yesterday morning to a rare disease. I never met her, but have read enough about her to know she was a beautiful person. My heart is grieved for those she left behind. I have had them on my mind constantly the past 5 days, and have prayed for them over and over as they step back and allow her to leave them so she can go be with her Lord. I think about her two children and her husband. I think about her parents. I think parents face nothing harder in life than burying their children. My sister had to. And I know it is an ache that can never be quenched. I think about my cousin's husband's parents. They are closer to me in family relationship. They are my dad's cousins. My second cousins. And if we have it straight, Ron and Rhonda are my third cousins. I only hope heaven is what I envision it to be, a place where we will know others without introductions, and where we can visit as long as we want. I would love to sit with Rhonda and be able to know her as those who have loved her so much.
As Rhonda faded through the day on the 25th she kept singing. Here is a quote from the blog her family kept about her:
"She keep saying the words to the old song we used to sing years ago. She had every word down.
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
There's just something about that name.
Master, Savior, Jesus
Like the fragrance after the rain.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Let all heaven and earth proclaim.
Kings and kingdoms shall all past away,
But, there's something about that name"
After that she just kept saying "In Jesus name, Jesus name, Jesus name."
That is a result of having a love in your heart for Jesus. It is not something you work up on your own or as a pretense or a mask. It comes from the reality inside. I really would like to meet her some day.
Christmas at our house was very nice. We are having two Christmases this year, as many families do who have children who must share their time with a spouses family. Chad and Lesa and Madison spent Christmas with her family in New York. She has a wonderful family. We found them so loving and affectionate when we have been able to be around them. So New Years Eve we will have another family Christmas here which will include them.
I have already gotten some wonderful gifts from family members, and a couple I want to mention because they are going to affect this blog.
Everyone who has followed this blog and my previous blogs know I am a fan of Dan Brown. I received his first two books for Christmas. I think I have read one of them, but it has been several years. I am currently reading the other, "Deception Point" which I believe is his second book. I have read the last three books already, and unless I am mistaken, the first one, "Digital Fortress," as well.
The short version of this blog is to say I have decided to put my theological pursuit on hold. Not because of the new books. For several reasons that I may write about later. But I do want to borrow an excerpt from a blog that gave me some fodder for thought. I came across a blog by Martin Lloyd-Jones titled "Cruciformity." In this blog, which you can find here:
http://cruciformitythoughts.blogspot.com, Martin posted an entry titled "Less Theologians, More Disciples." I didn't ask permission to quote him, but if he minds I'll ask for forgiveness. Here is what struck me:
"Our religious world is eaten up with study. We love it. The Evangelical world today is a largely academic one. We have degrees in theological studies, Biblical studies, divinity, and loads of others. Even much of what we do when we gather together is sit and learn. We listen to someone speak on Sundays and we sit in classes. We are encouraged to "study" our Bibles.
I'm not saying all this is evil. I am saying that religious academics don't necessarily produce better Christians. In many cases it may actually create worse ones. It's amazing how much we love learning but hate doing."
And this:
"Filled minds do not produce spirituality.
Knowledge is a dangerous thing when it comes to God. It killed the Pharisees, and it's killing us. It's a strange thing, isn't it? To make ourselves somehow superior by having knowledge we received but did not create. Anything I know about God or His Bible I know because He let me know it. How can I feel arrogant or more mature because I learned something? The essence of learning is submitting yourself to something higher than yourself. You are taking in something that you did not make.
So for a little while I am going off into fiction and will be thinking about my quest into theology. Is it something I need to be doing, or even should be doing? I'll keep you posted. No pun intended!!
Happy New year. Make 2010 a year you consistently do something nice and beneficial to someone who is incapable of repaying you.
